This will save you from having your heart taken for a ride by a jerk. Regardless of how long you wait before getting into a sexual relationship with your partner or whoever, there are questions that are a must ask before you do.
To help you lay the cards out, here are questions you need to ask him and maybe ask yourself too before taking that next step.
It is always important to enquire if he is involved with other women even when the relationship is casual. This way you know exactly what you are involving yourself with. A lot of the men dating out there are in fact married. While asking him does not guarantee that he will be truthful, it puts him on the spot and he will find it hard to lie smoothly. You can start by asking it as a joke and then emphasize that it is important to you.
Your sexual health is important and not something that can simply be ignored. Most times people assume that they are clean just because they do not have any symptoms of an STI. Others say they have been tested but are usually only referring to their HIV status. Therefore, it is important to be specific about the questions that you ask on this. Make the conversation less awkward by making sure you have been tested yourself.
How someone talks about their ex will offer you insight on how they are as a person. Their answer to this will help you gauge whether they are respectful or not. If they are respectful to their ex it means they will be respectful to you too. To make asking this question less blunt, you can start by offering information on your past relationship.
Sometimes it is not easy to tell a person’s true colours, especially if you’ve just met. It is crucial that you gauge how safe it would be to be with that person. Look for tell tale signs of control issues and anger. You can tell this by mildly provoking him and watching his reaction. Do this by teasing something he’s particularly proud of, like his hair or beard. If he has violent tendencies he will not be able to ignore this poke and will likely get angry or irritated. It is better to find this out in public that in the bedroom.
You will also need to be truthful to yourself about the nature of your encounter and what you hope to get from it. Our expectations always tend to be high before the sex because we are still romanticizing it. That can be problematic especially if you happen to fall out with each other afterwards. The best thing to do whether you are being casual or looking for a serious relationship, is to be frank with yourself about possible scenarios that could happen the morning after.
Asking several questions on a specific topic will help tell you whether he is a liar. Ask him what he does, whether he likes his job, what his routine usually involves and whether he likes his coworkers. Make sure however that it does not sound like an interrogation. Usually, if someone is lying it will be hard to keep up with their cover after the third question. If he lies to you about something as simple as his job he is likely to lie about more important things.
It is sometimes hard to be honest with ourselves about whether we can handle a causal relationship. Simply ask yourself if you are okay with never seeing him again. If your answer is yes you can go ahead and do it. If your answer is no you might need to take some time out until you are ready or at least until you are both ready for something serious.